Ghosts of Friendships Past

Sometimes I really struggle with what to write on here. I don't want to post exclusively about wedding topics, but it's hard not to think about it when it's coming up in less than three weeks. In less than three weeks. Yikes!

In a previous post I confessed to feeling offended by some of the RSVPs we've gotten. Especially when it comes to people whom we consider close friends. We still don't know why some of them aren't coming, and I'm wondering, will we be left to draw our own conclusions, or will something be explained at some point in the future?

When my fiance and made the guest list for our wedding, most of the names on the list came easily to us and it was obvious whom we should invite. Yet there were some people whose names I wasn't sure we should add. Some of those people are old college or high school friends of mine. In the end, I decided to include them in this day because it seemed like a great way to bring everyone together and have a good time. Now that I have their replies and I know that none of them are coming, I'm left wondering what to make of our friendships. Was I naive in thinking that it would be OK to invite these people to the wedding even though I haven't seen some of them in a few years? Was I wrong to focus on the togetherness part, and not the part that counts how many miles divide us?

In some ways, I feel like a fool for inviting these people to the wedding. I'm starting to think that I have a different opinion of these types of events than most people do. For some people, a wedding is an excuse to have a huge party and invite friends of friends of their parents'. For others, a wedding is meant to be an intimate gathering of immediate family members without cousins-twice-removed and business partners of their parents from 30 years ago. Deep down, I identify with the latter school of thought. In the case of my own wedding, my fiance and I fall somewhere in the middle of these two groups. Our wedding is by no means the bash of century, but it's small enough that it will feel intimate and hopefully not too overwhelming. I also think weddings are a reason for people to come together and celebrate something new and exciting. I don't subscribe to the thought that if you haven't seen someone in two years, you shouldn't invite them or go to the wedding. In fact, just last summer my fiance and I went to a wedding in Chicago for a friend of his whom he hadn't seen in at least four years. Did he scoff at the invitation when he got it? No. Did we go to the wedding and have a great time meeting his friend's wife-to-be and all their other friends? Yes! And it didn't seem like a chore that we couldn't wait to be done with.

I feel that I'm at a crossroads in my relationships with these friends who are not coming to the wedding. I invited them because I still considered them to be my friends, and I thought they considered me to be a friend, too. Someone who is important enough to them that my wedding is something they wouldn't want to miss. I realize that's not the case, and perhaps I am not someone they consider to be a friend. Maybe I'm an acquaintance to them or just someone they knew from some time in the past. I think it's time I let them go and focus more on my true friends who will be there to share this day with me. It's time to set free these ghosts of friendships past.

Here's to the future.